5 Tips For Raising A Happy, Secure Child (No Matter What Kind Of Child You Got)
5 tips from an astrologer on raising not just any child,
but the one you got
You want the best life for your child, but it’s hard to know what that is, and parenting is loaded with moments of urgency, moments where something important needs to be done right now. It’s hard to get your head above water for long enough to get perspective and form a big picture of what you are doing.
Astrology can help. How? Your child was born with a clear life-plan that he is trying to live out—his astrology chart, which elsewhere I’ve called “an owner’s manual for life.” Knowing what his life-plan is can make all the difference between living from one emergency to the next and relaxed, patient, fun parenting. Here are some of the things astrology can help you do in your parenting:
1. Know what’s nature and what you can nurture.
In the huge, centuries-long debate between what is simply part of our human nature and what can be taught and nurtured, your child’s astrology chart offers real, useful information about who he is and what he came here to do. This is not the same as fate, but it does lead to specific kinds of life experiences that you can anticipate and prepare for. The reason your child’s chart is not his fate is that your child has freewill in how he responds to the experiences his life presents. And while his chart may not show his fate, it does show his temperament.
2. Know your child’s temperament.
Chart in hand, you can find out your child’s natural talents and cultivate them. You can also watch your child’s natural challenges emerge and begin early to help him over the rough spots. A little attention focused on the right areas is much more powerful than a lot of attention focused on the wrong areas and spending time flailing about looking for your child’s aptitudes is a sheer waste when you could just get the owner’s manual and get on with it. Your child is growing quickly and you can keep up with him or stay ahead of him by anticipating where his interests may go and dealing with the discomfort it may bring you before it even happens. This brings us to. . .
3. Know your own temperament.
Nothing offers perspective on yourself like parenting. Who are you as a person? What are your needs? What did you come into this life to do? Many generations of parents, mothers especially, have sacrificed their dreams for their children, and then pressed their children toward the living of those dreams. You can be a better role model for how to live life well if you parent lovingly and also pursue your own happiness.
In the absence of real knowledge about who your child is and how he differs from you, the natural tendency is to assume he is like you in every way until he shows a difference. It’s natural to think he’s “a chip off the old block” and to feel betrayed when he turns out to want to go in some direction you’d never have chosen (i.e. he’s an extravert, likes sushi, moves to Japan, wants to study engineering in college, etc.). But you can avoid the lion’s share of the betrayal by knowing those differences before they emerge—and welcoming them.
4. Be willing to be “big.”
Your child will grow up and eclipse you soon enough. Give him this time, while he is small and helpless, to feel the security of your grander understanding of the world. Your purpose is not to own your child, but to orient him to life and shepherd him through the first years of it. Providing healthy structure and limits, to enable him to discover himself inside the at-first-small-but-ever-expanding world you create for him, is the greatest gift you can give him. This means you have to be willing to be the bad guy sometimes, saying “no” when he wants to explore something that’s attractive but beyond him. It’s hard work, but when you come into it already knowing your child’s best way of developing the self-discipline he’ll need as an adult, you’re way ahead of the game.
5. Back off.
When your child shows that he’s ready to take on the world in his own way, let him do that. Step back, take a little distance, but stay engaged. Parenting means you’ll always feel your child’s presence—you have a connection that’s permanent. Give your child space to discover his own world at his own pace, without pushing him to do it slower or faster, like you do. Some things you adore may not interest him at all, other things that don’t at all call to you will fascinate him. Help put him in the way of experiences he needs to become himself—not a small copy of you. When you know his chart, you can do this with confidence, even if the territory he wants to explore is completely foreign to you.
Here’s what I mean. . .
Let me illustrate these ideas with an example. Let’s say you’re a Fire parent with a Water child. One thing that benefits Water people is to place themselves physically in or near bodies of water. When you find this out, it occurs to you that your Water baby might love to go to the pool. But you, as a Fire person, don’t really like to have to deal with the pool—everything about it irritates you (getting wet, having to wash your hair after, how the pressure of the water around your body slows you down) and you’d never go to the pool if it were up to you. But you’ve noticed how your little boy lights up at bath time and thinking about his watery nature, this makes sense and it could be a great exploration for him.
Consider what it costs you to give your child an experience that’s really meaningful to him and that gives a lot back to him, even though you don’t share his enthusiasm for the water. Knowing your child’s chart can help you choose the best places to spend your efforts. You might even expand yourself! He’s only going to be small for a few years. Perhaps parenting him can be an occasion for you to for you to try some things that are new to you, just for those few years that he’s with you so much of the day.
It’s worth doing—and you can thrive with it.
If you think back to your own childhood, you can probably think of ways your parents fell down on some of these points, despite their own best efforts. Don’t you want to improve on the parenting you received and pass on the best of your family’s wisdom to your little ones? If you have really heavy family karma to deal with (i.e. alcoholism, abuse, abandonment, etc.) and you feel discouraged at how very hard it is to hold back the tide of pain and not pass it on, just remember that your job is to make your kids’ childhood better than yours was. And if you succeed at that, even just a little, you’ve done your job and can feel good about it.
Parenting is an expanding experience, and we let ourselves be expanded because we know our children are not ourselves. They are teachers for us. It’s our job to teach them how to live while they are teaching us how to be. Fortunately, you’ve got access to your child’s owner’s manual (his chart) and can help him towards his finest, most exciting life. And isn’t seeing him light up the best reward ever?!!
If you want to know more about your child and how she or he fits into your family, here are two ways to do it:
Family Reading – 2 hours of reading time, up to 2 kids – $250
In this extended-length reading, I talk briefly about the parents as individuals and the aspects of their relationship that most affect the children. I also talk at length about the temperament of each child, along with suggestions about aptitude and needs in important areas of life (scholastic, social, sport, structure, self-soothing, etc.). Add $60 and 30 minutes per additional family member included (additional children, grandparents, nannies and other caretakers).
The Family Reading is designed to be less expensive but still cover the basics. But if it’s doable, I recommend you go for the more comprehensive Family Package, which allows enough time to relaxedly sort through a lot of information and handle any and all questions you may have.
Family Package – 1 hour for each family member, up to 2 kids – $450
This reading package covers both parents as individuals and as a couple (it’s like getting a relationship reading rolled into the package), and the charts of up to 2 children, and how the family fits together, along with details of each child’s temperament and aptitudes, as described in the family reading above. Add $60 and 30 minutes per additional family member included (additional children, grandparents, nannies and other caretakers). This package of readings is scheduled in several meetings, in whatever way works best for you.
If you’ve never seen me before, you might want to have an Initial Reading first (at $180 for 90 minutes), just to make sure you like working with me. If you then go on to have the Family Package, we can roll the cost and the time spent into the package for you.
Your kids are the most important people in your world.
Enjoy them while they’re small.
And let me know if I can help you with this.
Contact me to find out more.