What do you think of when you think of a “soul mate?” Perhaps that one perfect love that lasts a lifetime? Fairy tales, such as Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, may also quickly come to mind. You probably conjure up an image of “love at first sight,” a feeling that emerges in an instant and engulfs you in eternal romance. You may think of a favorite movie scene, such as the famous moment in Jerry Maguire where Jerry says to Dorothy, “you complete me.” When you think “soul mate,” you may think of your “missing piece” or your “other half.”
I was at a wedding recently where a guest raised a glass and toasted the fact that the bride and groom “complement each other” so well. I also heard a friend say recently that between himself and his wife, he figured “we’ve got all the bases covered.” You may imagine there’s one perfect partner for you out there and all you need to do is find them in order to have soul-filling, heart-drenching love for the rest of your life. Ah, if only it were that simple.
The myth of the “soul mate” could use some deconstructing here. It’s a symbol of extreme joy that often brings extreme pain—the pain of disappointment as we discover that the partner we had elevated to a pedestal doesn’t deserve our worship but is as human and flawed as we are. That there are cracks in that glass slipper.
This brings me to another question: Why is it that the very things you are most attracted to in someone at first become the most irritating later on? Those things that fascinated you and were so alluring. . . with time and familiarity can become the very things you wish your partner would stop doing. And it becomes crazy-making for you as your partner continues doing “that thing he does” ad nauseam and you realize that it’s going to go on for the rest of your life. What a depressing and soul-draining thought!
If you think about it, you quickly realize that relating with someone who is your complement means they are as different from you as it’s possible to be. You handle some stuff, they handle other stuff. You have your areas of expertise; they have theirs. A relationship based on complementarity does carry with it the fascination of relating with someone who’s fundamentally different from you. You get the thrill of being bowled over by their strange, foreign ways. But sooner or later this is followed by the terror of discovering that you don’t really get them and they don’t really get you. And then you feel alone—really alone. And worst, you realize you have allowed someone alien to your ways inside your heart and your life and that even though they know you inside and out (or should from all the time spent with you), even so, they just don’t get you.
What do you do when you’ve finally met your soul mate and married them. . . and it goes sour? How do you deal with the subjective reality of a soul mate that you felt and that was so… real, when contrasted with the objective reality of the failure of love to endure?
These are burning questions. Find out the answers to them and more burning questions by getting a Lifelong Love reading. Prepare to change your soul mate perspective (and all your relationships, not just the romantic ones) and change it forever—and replace it with something much, much better.
Learn more about the soul mate myth and your chart by getting a Lifelong Love reading.
Contact Jamie now to schedule one!
Are you tired of dating and not finding someone
who is really right for you?
Are you bogging down in your marriage,
unsure if it meets your needs—or ever will?
What if you could become so irresistibly attractive that
your ideal type flocks to you?
What if you found a way to fall back in love with your spouse?
Your astrology chart holds the key.
Your Venus sign tells what you need to be in love, and
Your Juno sign tells what you need to marry.
It’s that simple.
In this FEMTalk, hosted by San Francisco Bay Area’s Ripe Paradigm just for women, you’ll . . .
- Discover how to use the ancient wisdom of astrology to attract—and keep—your ideal partner.
- Learn what your “type” is and how to spot it in potential partners.
- Learn what you offer in relationship that you have always taken for granted—and how to work it for maximum attractiveness.
- Become the radiant magnet of desire you were always meant to be.
What You Need In Romantic Love Is Not The Same As
What You Need In Marriage
Find out what they both are.
Satisfy both needs for a lifetime of love that’s both erotic and stable.
If you’ve been enjoying my blog, you will love this talk. Come see me in person and learn how to awaken and honor these primal goddesses in your life–and watch all your relationships blossom!
When: May 9, 2011
Time: 7-10 PM
Where: Berkeley, CA (near University Avenue, exact location released when you register)
This talk is filling up fast—register today on the Ripe Paradigm website and I’ll see you there!
PS. At the FEMTalk, you’ll have an opportunity to find out how to access your own unique Golden Goddess of Love and Beauty (Aphrodite/Venus) and your own personal Queen of Heaven (Hera/Juno). You’ll also come away with a free gift worth double what you paid to attend the talk. You don’t want to miss this!
PPS. Sorry you missed it? If you’re seeing this notice after the FEMTalk is over, invite me to speak at your women’s group, at no cost: firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to meeting you!
Recently I’ve posted about Venus and how your Venus sign tells what you long for in relationship and how you act when you don’t get it. Today I’m concentrating on Juno.
Introducing Juno, Goddess of Committed Relationship
If you’re wondering why you’ve never heard of Juno, that’s because Juno is an asteroid in the asteroid belt that sits between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. The asteroid belt contains thousands of asteroids, but only the 4 largest are in common use by astrologers (Juno, Vesta, Pallas-Athene, Ceres). Juno represents committed relationship or marriage and the sign she occupies in your chart will tell what kind of person you look to marry and what your marital expectations are. Juno will also tell whether you’re “the marrying kind.” It’s possible to get a very complete picture of the ways marriage will be easy or hard for you by looking at Juno in your chart. If you don’t know where Juno is in your chart, you can use Astro.com to make your chart and find out.
How Literal Is This Marriage Thing—Does Juno Mean Marriage Only?
Um, NO. Juno is about committed relationship. If you are in a committed relationship with someone you cannot or will not legally marry (for example, if you’re gay & cannot get married), things I’m saying about Juno still apply to you.
What follows is a very brief (and of course incomplete) set of interpretations for Juno in the signs:
Juno in Aries expects that marriage is an adventure. This Juno wants to experience freshness and newness everyday, a continual rebirth and renewal of commitment. If this Juno cannot speak the truth and experience excitement, she will wander.
Juno in Taurus wants and expects unflinching stability. This Juno will stand by the partner through good times and bad, and expects the same in return. Cooking with the partner and having a financially stable marriage will support this Juno’s commitment.
Juno in Geminineeds a quality of lightness in marriage. She doesn’t like to be tied down and is prone to living a double life unless all her attention can be engaged. Her best marriage involves lots of communication, both talking and listening.
Juno in Cancercan get very domestic because this Juno intuits that a well-feathered nest and raising children are the ultimate reason for marrying. She also expects that marriage is a place for an ever-deepening emotional connection. She’s a caretaker.
Juno in Leo expects that her marriage and her partner must look good. She tends to marry radiant, larger-than-life types who can be domineering behind the scenes. If you ever embarrass her in public, be prepared for the cold shoulder afterwards.
Juno in Virgo is as selective as Venus in Virgo, and twice as critical. She will serve the partner endlessly, hoping to improve them. Shaping and molding the partner are tempting but this Juno is much better off turning her perfectionist talents toward meaningful work instead.
Juno in Libra wants to be on a level with the spouse and experience true, balanced partnership. She’s always willing to sit down and negotiate or talk things out, as long as it doesn’t get too messy or dark. When they do, she needs harmony before going deeper.
Juno in Scorpio expects that marriage is a deep merging of two-in-one, mind, body & soul and she will consider it her right to know everything possible about the partner before and after marrying them. Choosing the right partner in the first place is crucial.
When a Juno in Sagittarius person is happily married, s/he feels that marriage is a freedom, not a limitation. For this Juno, marriage needs to involve unending growth and expansion—if there’s not room for that, marriage is not worth committing to.
Juno in Capricorn takes marriage with the utmost seriousness. She sees marriage as a social contract in which both partners agree to support each other’s reputation and keep each other looking good. Humiliate her and you’ll lose her (considerable) devotion.
Juno in Aquariuswould rather not get married at all, quite frankly, and will only be attracted to someone unusual enough to grab her attention. She is aware of the political ramifications of marriage and doesn’t want to give up her power or freedom.
Juno in Pisces dreams of the ultimate partner, which can get in the way of living with a real human being in the here-and-now. She may have trouble giving herself completely to marriage but seeing it as a spiritual connection makes commitment & fidelity stick.
Go To Bed As Venus, Wake Up As Juno
If you’ve read all the articles in this 3-part thread, it should be pretty obvious by now how having Venus & Juno in incompatible positions might spell some relationship challenges. There comes a time in every relationship of duration when you ask yourself, “does this relationship have what it takes to last?” It’s as if you flip from the lover-seeking side of you to the side that assesses mate material and it can happen overnight. For many people, this question pops up somewhere between 4 and 6 months into dating someone new. Up to that point, the Lover in you was happy enough to keep you sticking around this person. Now the Mate in you pops up and gets you looking at more serious concerns.
Do Your Expectations for Marriage Conflict With Your Romantic/Erotic Needs?
Most people have some kind of challenge around making the transition from love to commitment and that’s because love and commitment are actually two different archetypal functions within human personality. Juno shows what you need in a committed relationship, but Venus shows what you need in order to fall in love and to maintain a romantic, erotic connection over time. The ultimate situation occurs when you can have it all—you experience a deep, committed connection with someone which can last a lifetime and inside that connection you feel wildly and passionately in love. This is a wonderful state and it is attainable by everyone, no matter how challenged Venus and Juno might be in your chart and no matter how fiercely they might be challenging each other. It’s simply a matter of figuring out all your needs and honoring them all, without sacrificing one for the other.
Own Your Juno
What I said in my recent Venus post applies here too: own your Juno, rather than projecting her qualities onto a mate. Become the mate you need. This will make you more marriageable and will make married life sustainable for you. Then you can relax into a lifetime of happy marriage with exactly the amount of depth or freedom or emotional bonding or passion or excitement that you want. The interpretations I’ve listed above are just a smidgen of what Juno has to offer in terms of really understanding your marital needs.
Not for everybody. In fact, in many cases, the way a person falls in love is quite different from how they commit to marriage. This leads to difficulties, as most people will fall in love with the sort of person that turns them on, but who isn’t suitable to marry. After a patchy relationship history, they may give up on love and decide to marry for sensible reasons, but find it impossible to light a spark in their marriage. What to do? The solution lies in honoring both sides of ourselves—the side that falls in love and the side that commits—from the very beginning of the process. But how do we do that, if we don’t know which sides of us those are, and what they want? Astrology can help, because your style of falling in love and your style of committing are shown clearly in your chart. Your chart shows these two sides of you, what they need and how to keep them satisfied.
Venus is the Lover in You
Venus is the romantic, erotic side of you, the side that falls in love. It’s your Venus that feels all those yummy hormones and brain chemicals that are swimming around in your system when you meet somebody attractive. And it’s Venus that suffers when you “fall out of love” or are rejected.
Venus In Your Chart Can Tell You:
- What qualities to look for in a lover
- What “true love” feels like for you
- What’s in the way of your finding true love
- And how to maintain love over years and years
But Venus is by no means the whole story, because . . .
Juno Is The Mate In You
Juno is an asteroid in the asteroid belt that runs between Mars and Jupiter in our solar system. Juno represents the archetypal mate and in your chart she represents your capacity to marry or commit. She is also the Queen of Heaven, a consummate people-person and matchmaker.
Juno In Your Chart Can Tell You:
- What qualities to look for in a mate
- What you value in a marriage and how you behave when you’re committed
- What you need to be able to hold onto a committed relationship over time
- And what’s in the way of commitment for you—as well as how to solve that.
When Relationship Worlds Collide
For a few lucky people (about 11%), Venus and Juno are in harmony in their chart and sliding from romance to commitment—and maintaining romance while committed—is pretty easy. But for most of the rest of us, there’s some kind of conflict between the two, resulting in situations where:
- You meet somebody you love to date, but the idea of marrying them is inherently repellent, so you have to teach yourself to be attracted to “mate material.”
- You love dating and cannot stand the idea of marriage or . . .
- You would love to skip the awful dating process and just settle down with somebody.
- You keep finding yourself with someone you love and want to marry, but they don’t want that with you and you string yourself along, wasting your time and theirs.
- You feel like a refugee from a movie where the main character has a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Venus whispers one thing in one ear and Juno whispers something completely different in the other.
It’s enough to drive you crazy. What to do?
How To Integrate Them
Begin by saying a nice hello to both Venus and Juno. Thank them for giving you a way to connect to others at all. Then ask them what they want. When you find out, accept that this is a real need for you and give it to yourself. When Venus in Gemini whispers to you “I really like dating smart people,” you’d better listen, because dumb-but-pretty will not hold your attention for long. When Juno in Sagittarius whispers, “I need somebody adventuresome and free,” don’t go for Mr. Moneybags—he’s too busy worrying about the bottom line to take you traveling.
There is a trick to this, though. When they ask for stuff that’s bad for you (like enticing you toward that really sexy person you know will be a train wreck to date), don’t listen. Instead, figure out the healthy version of that thing and give Venus or Juno that. Instead of getting lost in a codependent mess because Venus in Cancer whispered “I need to be needed,” try looking for someone nurturing and caring but also emotionally independent. You could get lured into an abusive relationship with someone because Juno in Taurus whispered “I want presents!” and you got distracted by bling. Instead, settle down with someone solid who likes to cook with you and takes you shopping at sensible intervals.
I’ll be devoting my next two blogposts to what Venus and Juno might want, according to the sign they are in. You’ll find out what this means for you.